LIGHTNING STRIKIE

IT HAS BEEN A TOUGH TIME FOR BART ALLEN EVER SINCE HE TRAVELED BACK IN TIME FROM HIS TIME TO OUR PRESENT DAY. BART COMING FROM A CENTRAL CITY WE ONLY IMAGINE OF. THE CENTRAL CITY WE LIVE IN NOW IS A GREAT CITY WITH ICONIC BUILDINGS AND STATUES. THE CENTRAL CITY BART ALLEN COMES FROM IS WAY MORE ADVANCED. THERE ARE CARS THAT HOVER, TELEPORTATION THE LOT, EVERYTHING WE IMAGINED IS WHERE BART CAME FROM. THE BIGGEST SHOCK TO BART WAS WHEN HE MET HIS GRANDFATHER FROM THE PAST. MR BARRY ALLEN OTHER WISE KNOWN AS THE FLASH

BART WAS WALKING DOWN THE PARK UNTIL HIS PHONE STARTED TO RING. WHO WOULD BE CALLING BART NOW ITS EARLY IN THE MORNING. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE IT WAS A DEEP VOICE.THE VOICE SAID “YOU KNOW WHO I AM BART REMEMBER I KILLED YOUR PARENTS, SEE I NEED TO GET TO THE FLASH TO KILL HIM SO MEET ME AT STAR CITY CANAL. OH YEAH I FORGOT TO MENTION I HAVE ROY IF YOU DO NOT COME YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN, ZOOM ALWAYS WINS.” BART THOUGHT TO HIMSELF WHAT HE SHOULD DO. BUT IN A LIGHT BULB MOMENT BART THOUGHT OF A PLAN TO RESCUE ROY.

BART AND BARRY SHOULD RUN STRAIGHT INTO ZOOM AT THE SAME TIME BUT ONE FIGHTS AND ONE GOES AFTER ROY. BART ALERTED BARRY AND EVERYTHING WAS SET THEY WERE GONNA SAVE ROY.

BART AND BARRY SUITED UP, THEY RAN LIKE THEY NEVER RAN BEFORE THIS TIME THERE IS LIFE AT STAKE AND THAT LIFE WAS IN THE HANDS OF THE DEMONIC ZOOM. THEY ARRIVED IN STAR CITY AND PASSED THE ICONIC QUEEN CONSOLIDATE TOWER THE TALLEST GLASS TOWER IN ALL OF STAR CITY. THEY RAN LIKE THE BULLET TRAIN THAT TAKES YOU FROM CENTRAL CITY TO STAR CITY IN UNDER 10 MINUTES.

THEY FINALLY MEET FACE TO FACE , THE DEMONIC LOOK ZOOM HAD ON FACE WAS HORRIFYING. BARRY RAN TOWARDS ZOOM WHILE BART WAS HELPING ROY, ZOOM TOR BARRY APART. BARRY SHOUTED HE COULDN’T FEEL HIS LEGS. BART HAD TO SAVE TWO PEOPLE ROY AND BARRY THERE WAS NOBODY TO HELP HIM HE WAS ALONE. BART RAN TO SAVE BARRY. SUDDENLY AT THE CORNER OF HIS EYE HE SAW AN ARROW HEADING FOR ZOOM. THE ARROW MADE A WHISTLING SOUND. IT HIT ZOOM IN THE CHEST AND BLEW HIM AWAY. A FIGURE FROM THE TOP OF THE QUEEN CONSOLIDATE BUILDING SHOUTED “RUN, BART, RUN”. BART  RAPIDLY RAN AND HOLDING GRIP OF BARRY AND ROY.

BART RAN TO THE MAN, BART ASKED “WHO ARE YOU” THE MAN REPLIED “MY NAME IS OLIVER QUEEN, A FRIEND OF BARRY WHO I KNOW IS THE FLASH. YOU MIGHT ALSO KNOW ME AS THE GREEN ARROW” BART WAS SHOCKED. HE WANTED TO ASK MANY QUESTIONS BUT HE KNEW THAT THIS WOULD JUST SLOW HIM DOWN. BARRY LOST THE FEEL OF HIS LEGS TEMPORARILY AND ROY WAS CRITICALLY INJURED, BART WAS THE ONLY ONE STILL IN THE FIGHT.

ZOOM GOT UP AND STRAIGHT AWAY TOOK DOWN BART AN SAID “YOU CAN NOT GET RID OF ME, ZOOM ALWAYS WINS.” 

BART WAS SHOCKED HOW COULD ZOOM NOT DIE FROM THAT EXPLOSION. HE FELT LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD FELL UPON HIM AND EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE UNIVERSE WAS AGAINST HIM. BART CLOSED HIS EYES, WHEN HE OPENED THEM HE SAW A FIGURE COMING TOWARDS HIM. BART HEARD A VOICE SAY “I AM PROUD OF YOU BART” THE FIGURE CAME CLOSER, NOW IT WAS A MAN. BART SAW THAT THE FIGURE WAS WALLY WEST THE ORIGINAL KID FLASH. BART ASKED WALLY, “HOW DO I TAKE DOWN ZOOM I NEED HELP”. WALLY WAS LAUGHING, HOWEVER BART WAS CURIOUS WHY. WALLY SAID “LOOK WHERE YOU ARE, THE SPEED FORCE THE ONLY THING ZOOM DOES NOT HAVE” IN A BLINK OF AN EYE WALLY DISAPPEARED AND BART WAS BACK FACING OFF AGAINST ZOOM. BART KNEW WHAT TO DO NOW. BART RAN ALL THE WAY BACK TO CENTRAL CITY. HE HAD A LIGHTNING STORM INSIDE HIS EYE. BART RAN, HE RAN SO FAST THAT EVERYTHING WAS SO BLURRED THAT IT WAS ALMOST LIKE HE WAS TURNING BLIND. HE RAN LIKE SPEEDING BULLET BUT AS FAST AS ONE. BART DELIVERED A SUPER SONIC PUNCH RIGHT INTO ZOOMS STOMACH, SINGLE HANDING BREAKING EVERY BONE INSIDE OF ZOOM.

WALLY WAS IN THE SPEED FORCE AND SAID “WELL DONE KID”

THE END!

3 Comments

  1. Well done for responding to your feedback Nayim and creating a more focused story.

    In order to achieve your Genre Writing badge, improve this draft based on the following targets:

    1) Can you build up to your main events in a bit more depth with some of the tension techniques we discussed in class?

    2) Make a real effort to avoid just saying that something happened. If you are listing events then the reader is immediately not going to be interested. Try and describe to them what is going on so they have an image of it in their head.

    I look forward to seeing the next draft.

  2. Really cool story Nayim! I think you could describe some of the characters in a different way

  3. Nayim

    February 12, 2016 at 2:22 pm

    I THINK I SHOULD RECEIVE THE GENRE WRITING BADGE BECAUSE MY STORY WAS DESCRIPTIVE AND THE READER KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON. MY STORY HAD LANGUAGE FEATURES AND EXCEEDED 600 WORDS. THIS IS WHY I SHOULD GET THE GENRE WRITING BADGE.

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